Today was Opening Day of the 2011 baseball season, but I had to spend all day in the library working on my masters thesis (don't worry, I caught the Braves game on the radio), so in an attempt to keep from chewing my own fingers off or doing something similarly destructive (here's a hint: never read academic literature about human resources, a more boring subject could not possibly exist) I decided to watch a movie I bought about six months ago and have been saving for a moment of peril. This turned out to be a great decision, as this film single-handedly saved everything about today, in world-endingly awesome fashion.
The film in question is Rhubarb, made in 1951 and which poses a devastatingly simple question: What would happen if a cat owned a professional baseball team?
I'll give you a few moments to let that sink in before I take you on the RIDE OF YOUR LIFE.
Because the world in the 1950's was totally normal, the owner of a professional team (which I think is supposed to be the Brooklyn Dodgers although that isn't ever explicitly stated) adopts a the world's angriest stray cat, which he finds stealing balls on a golf course (???), because he thinks the cat is a metaphor for the scrappy working man (baseball player) getting one over on the bourgeoisie (owners). Eventually the owner dies and leaves his team (and 30 million dollars) to the cat, named Rhubarb (not after the food, after the old-time term for a baseball brawl).
There's a big discussion about how the will is legally unbreakable which means I'm definitely leaving all my money to lobster dog.
I don't want to spoil the plot of this fine feature, so I'll just leave you with some bullet point highlights:
-The owner's daughter, while the main villain of the movie, is also a professional female wrestler/weightlifter? That's bad-ass enough to give me conflicted loyalties!
-LEONARD NIMOY CAMEO AS A BASEBALL PLAYER ALERT
-Rhubarb gets a lady cat girlfriend and is eventually revealed to be a Mormon?
-Rhubarb gets arrested for false identity and has to appear in court to defend himself against lookalike cats! This scene basically has the same gravitas as the conclusion of the trial in To Kill A Mockingbird.
-Rhubarb gets KIDNAPPED by MOBSTERS!!!!! DURING THE WORLD SERIES!!!!!!
Anyway, as you can see this movie CLEARLY gets a Home Run rating since it's the greatest film ever made.
There's a big discussion about how the will is legally unbreakable which means I'm definitely leaving all my money to lobster dog.
I don't want to spoil the plot of this fine feature, so I'll just leave you with some bullet point highlights:-The owner's daughter, while the main villain of the movie, is also a professional female wrestler/weightlifter? That's bad-ass enough to give me conflicted loyalties!
-LEONARD NIMOY CAMEO AS A BASEBALL PLAYER ALERT
-Rhubarb gets a lady cat girlfriend and is eventually revealed to be a Mormon?
-Rhubarb gets arrested for false identity and has to appear in court to defend himself against lookalike cats! This scene basically has the same gravitas as the conclusion of the trial in To Kill A Mockingbird.
-Rhubarb gets KIDNAPPED by MOBSTERS!!!!! DURING THE WORLD SERIES!!!!!!
Anyway, as you can see this movie CLEARLY gets a Home Run rating since it's the greatest film ever made.
